Drained....

So the last 5 days have been emotionally, physically & mentally draining... Husbands grandfather was admitted into the hospital on Saturday morning and told he only had a week to live. So we decided that we would go to the hospital on Sunday, since we had a birthday party that we were going to and we had already planned on seeing him then anyway.
So we get home from the party Saturday night and there is a message from his brother and from his mom, he grandfather will most likely not make it through the night. We call Nurse Neighbor and she comes over so stay at the house while Silly Pants and Monkey sleep. We took Mini C with us - we just didn't know how long we were going to be gone for and didn't want him to wake up with out me.
We book it to the hospital - when we get there his eyes are closed and they say he hasn't been a wake in a while. Husband gets next to him and he just opens his eyes - it was so wonderful. Then he cracked a joke - "I'm not done yet huh?" It was so wonderful that Husband was able to have that last moment with him - he was that last one his grandfather set eyes upon.

We stayed at the hospital till 12:30am Sunday morning...needless to say we were both exhausted when the boys woke up that morning. We decided that to maintain normalcy in the house we would bring the boys to Sunday school and then go to the hospital after that when we dropped the boys at BF's house. Well I got a call from church saying Monkey had a big accident and was embarrassed (which is odd because he had never had one that big) So I decide to just get both boys and go back to BF's - When I get back Husband calls the hospital to let them know we are coming now - He had died at 10:30am - 15 minutes before he called. So we left right away to get to the hospital. This whole thing is new to me - and being they never liked me much anyway it made it even weirder - I was there but I know they didn't want me there, but I was there for Husband and Husband only - I don't know what to say, do or whatever. It is all new and slightly confusing. I know it is sad when someone dies - however shouldn't it be a happy time too? If the person gets to a nice old age (and was able to see their great-grandchildren) shouldn't there be some sort of happiness for them, knowing that they are going to be with our maker? I know that we are sad and selfishly wanting them to be with us - but wouldn't a better reaction be "Bastard got there first!" =)
I am not usually a very black & white person but I feel like to ME this is a black & white issue. As long as the people I care about live a nice long life - when they die, Yes I will be sad and miss them but at the same time I am going to be so overjoyed that I know they are with Our Lord and Savior, living in their perfect body and enjoy the heavenly eternal life. So I have been pretty much just staying quiet, I know that my own thoughts are not that of others and I would never intentionally say or do anything that would cause more saddness right now then there already is.
So even though I was not close with him, because Husband is so upset (rightfully so) I am finding myself drained and unable to maintain a clear thought either through this time.
What's next?
The wake & funeral - they are this week, thankfully I was able to nail down someone to watch the boys for both - a big thank you to BF & Happy Mama! At least I know that Silly Pants and Monkey will be happy and having fun. Mini C with of course be with us - but at least that will give me something to focus on - since no one in that family talks to me....
So for now I will just stay quiet and reserved (Yes me!) and help Husband get through this rough time....
There are a few other things to post on relating to this, but that will be another time....

In Laws...does it ever end???

Ok so now it starts...birthday season...holiday season...IN LAW season....now if you are reading this and don't exactly know me personally I will give you an over view as to the in law situation...
Meant the in laws (mainly mother) - she thought my sister was my daughter, she told me Husband couldn't put anything together, told husband that he shouldn't be marrying me, gave me a Lane Bryant gift card for my birthday, the list is truly endless (I mean I didn't even touch on my husbands sister....)...anyway

So Saturday night is when we are doing Husbands birthday dinner...BF, Prits, us & his parents will be there (Brother is at school & SIL has to work) In the past just thinking about his parents (mainly his mother) coming to our home makes my stomach turn and I start to feel sick (example anyone?? when I was 8 months pg with Silly Pants they came over for Christmas and I started having false contractions while she was here pounding down on Husband) So at least I am not PG right? (no comments from you BF) But I have gotten better in recent months - I have kept a phone conversation with her on more than one occasion and even went over there too....if you know me you know this is a feat for me...so why is it I am back to feeling horrible that they are coming??

Maybe it's because when they do come - they push aside our true family (by true I mean the ones that are there for us day in and day out, the ones that love us even though we are flawed, & who we can count on for anything) Maybe it's because it's all phony...I have married their son - yes it is true - but even though we have now been married for 5 years (holy crap 5??) I am still not looked apon as a member of that family. I am an outsider that has abducted their son, taken him from the Lord(hello people??? not to brag but he went back to church after he met me!) - the one they treated like crap, that they don't see as wonderful, the one they don't deserve to call theirs. Maybe it's because when we get a card for the both of us they ALWAYS write - Mom and Dad & Her and Him (you get the idea) .....who does that??? but then again we didn't get married in their catholic church so maybe they truly believe that we are not married...and which would then mean our children are bastards??? how does that sound??

Either way they will come, I will put on a smile, feed them, talk to them but know this - I will be so glad when they leave and it is back to our family once again.....

But the story doesn't end there - oh nope it doesn't....
So when we bought our house - I decided to be the preparer of Thanksgiving dinner!!! (ok BF wasn't thrilled at first but came around) So every year we invite them and nope they don't show up, they say that they are spending it with their family and they would rather we spend it with THEM not them spending it with US...ok???what the hell?? So that holiday goes wonderfully with just BF, Prits, Brother & SIL - the ones that matter....
Next is Christmas - so as most of you know..Christmas Eve is BF's birthday (no I won't post her age....oh but tempting...) so that day is HERs - only hers..we don't not do anything Christmas related on that day....you can not pay me any amount of money to do so. Just as husbands day is coming up and mine as well those are our days - as is December 24th is hers. So then Jesus' birthday is spent by us getting up, spending time with the boys and then heading over to Bf's house for a day of food, fun and family...it is always a good time and we are usually there for about 12 hours...I know!! kind of weird but it's the one day that it just doesn't seem that long...well at least not for us..you would have to ask BF how she feels about that one...
Ok so having said all that - I ALWAYS plan a special day when we can invite Husbands side of the family (when I say side I mean it..aunts, uncles, cousins all of them!) This has happened every year since we have been married and besides the first year, every year after his mother has directed the family to not come - because they feel again....that we should spend it with them not them with us??? seriously what the hell??? So again this year I will plan a party - and this year I will plan it even earlier with hopes that we get on peoples schedules in time and we can throw a good time for those people....

So the moral of the enormously long post...I will am going to have to grin bare it for the next few months to show that I am a good Christan woman, wife, & mother and that even though they are evil people filled with anger and bitterness - I am a good, happy, excited by my life woman that will not let their negative attitudes bring me or mine down! We are here for the Lord and by golly I will figure out a way to show that - even when I want to go in a hole and drink a bottle of merlot! So here's to the season!!!!!